did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize