just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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