Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
