hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
