and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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