i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
