yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
