he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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