No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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