and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize