Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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