Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
