I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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