You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
