imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
