I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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