12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
