Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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