it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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