so that wasnt chicken after all
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
