I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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