Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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