i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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