The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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