I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
