His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
