He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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