my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The best revenge is premature balding
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
