Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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