It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
