My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
