I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize