k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
