batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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