The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
