Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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