Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
