I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
