When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
