Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
