and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
