miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
how drunk are you?
Several
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize