Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
