DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
