I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
