Do you still have your period?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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