i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize