Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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