If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
