She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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