were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
