i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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