Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
