He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize