How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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