All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize