well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
