Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
