Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize