I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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