No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
