I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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