I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
