Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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