My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You made out with two different species that night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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