Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
