I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
