why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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