Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize