P.S. I can't hear my feet
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're a waste of cheezeits
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
