At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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