my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
