so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
