He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
