I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
