i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
