I think my vagina is haunted
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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