that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
