I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
