In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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