Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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