If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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