so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
