i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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