Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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