my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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