this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
