why didn't you poke me back
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Randomize
