Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
