i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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