Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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