Soap is not a condiment
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
