Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My vagina is very pro this idea
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
