Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize