rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
