we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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