We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
