"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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