After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
